“I’m a guy and I think I was sexually abused, but I thought that only happened to girls?”
I was sexually abused by one of my friends when I was young. This was difficult for me to understand. I thought, “how could I have been abused, he is still my friend?” yet I didn’t want him to do those things. Maybe I am gay, but I don’t like guys that way. How could I let this happen? I felt a lot of shame. I took a lot of responsibility for what happened like many victims of sexual abuse do. The freedom came when I was able to say with the help of my pastor that what happened to me was bad, that I didn’t want it. I suddenly realized that this incident caused me to question my manhood. Instead of falling into homosexuality like many people do when their manhood is questioned, I jumped into proving myself as a man in every way possible. This pursuit of affirmation controlled my life. The realization that I was living my life to prove my manhood shocked and broke me. I sat down with a pastor and began to look at all the pain, hurt, rejection that I felt and asked God for freedom. One by one God began bringing to memory people and situations that hurt me and I released them to Him. When the memory and wounds of being sexually abused came I released them to Jesus and at that moment I felt His affirmation and love for me. I have never felt freer in all my life. The pain that used to come from the inside is no longer there. There are times when I get hurt from someone but it no longer comes from the inside so I don’t have to let it question who I am or carry it with me. I am so glad that God is able to take away the things that entangle us as we release them to Him.
Written by Jeff Christoferson, Youth Pastor
If you struggle with thoughts of homosexuality many have found these sites to be helpful: